The only way to the light is... through the dark

Only when we face our darkness can we consciously choose the light.

There were many moments in my life I consciously knew I wasn’t choosing the right thing but I did it anyway.

I knew it will make me feel terrible or miserable afterwards, yet I would do it anyway.

I wondered why I was being so self-destructive.

I knew it wasn’t good for me. But I couldn’t keep myself from doing it.

Smoking cigarettes.

Eating crap.

Spying on my ex on social media.

Talking about a problem endlessly with my friends.

Canceling a workout even though I had time.

Locking myself up at home.

Now I know there is a time and space for everything.

Staying home because you are tired is another thing from staying home because you want to self-loath.

Canceling a workout because you listen to your body and your body needs rest, is different from cancelling a workout to eat a pizza and soak in misery.

Watching Bridget Jones would always make me feel less bad about myself. 

I knew this wasn’t healthy though.

Not only did I, but I saw a lot of other people doing it.

And I wanted to break this cycle.

But how.

Only recently I realized and found the true medicine for this behavior that I know most of us are guilty of.

It is called shadow-work.

Essentially it is integrating those parts of ourselves we are most embarrassed about.

Working on acceptance of those parts of ourselves that we wouldn’t want anyone to know or to see.

I spend the last couple of weeks with brutal honesty figuring out these shadow sides of myself.

I discovered that what I would judge in others. Was something hiding in my own shadow that needed acceptance and integration.

It’s been incredibly freeing.

But not a walk in the park.

Every time I would witness a shadow part of myself in the form of a trigger or a judgment, I would go inwards and look for answers. What is it in this situation that triggers me? What is it in this person that triggers me? What have I not accepted within myself?

It would be things like

“I feel incapable”

“ I feel insignificant”

“ I have not accepted my own self-destructive behavior”

“ I have not accepted my own rigidness.”

The more I would do this self-inquiry and the self-hypnosis for integration of these parts of myself, the less judgmental I would become of others.

The judgment made space for compassion.

The emotional pain made space for love and acceptance.

Slowly, one by one, I would intergrade the “darker” parts of myself.

A new feeling of inner calmness would arise.

I literally had no idea what that felt like.

I became more at ease with myself and the world around me.

With the acceptance of myself came an acceptance of others too;

of being human and humanity as a whole.

Like magic, I would choose the right things for myself more easily.

I witnessed myself naturally making choices that wouldn’t harm my emotional, physical, or mental wellbeing.

There were still triggers, of course, to fall in old ways of doing.

But the light was now so much more powerful than the dark, that with a few breaths I was able to make the right choices.

And so I learned perhaps the most valuable lesson in life.

Choosing the light and what nurtures our mind, body, and soul is only possible if we also have chosen to see our own dark sides.

And whilst I know firsthand this is not an easy task, I now know it is possible.

And what lies on the other side is peace and freedom and space for more joy.

A compassionate and loving heart too.

Towards yourself and the whole of humanity.

Cause essentially, I discovered, we are all walking the same labyrinth journey.

Towards the light.

Towards that place. that unites us all.