Wendy • From marketing to perfectionism coach
INTRODUCING
I was born, raised, and live my entire life in The Netherlands. I am the only girl in a family of four children. My parents and brothers were, and still are, very loving but also quite outspoken, very knowledgeable, and present. From a young age, in hindsight, I think I felt I needed to achieve something to be seen, heard, belong, and feel worthy. Not surprisingly, I started professional sports early on in my life and chose to study at a university for top athletes. This way I was able to study ánd continue my sports.
“I ALWAYS SAW ACHIEVEMENT AS A WAY OF GAINING MY OWN WORTH. I HAD TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING TO BELONG AND MATTER.”
OLD SELF AND LIFE
I started working in the corporate world in marketing and communications and eventually changed into the fast-moving advertising world. I loved my jobs but over time my work started taking its toll on me. My pleasing character started to work against me, as I wanted to be good and please everyone; clients that wanted everything ready yesterday and colleagues I wanted to be loyal to at any given time. Slowly but surely this attitude started to deplete my energy. My usually energetic, smiley, and positive self became someone I couldn’t relate to any longer. Working and social encounters started to cost me more and more energy and effort. I didn’t know what was going on with me. Yet instead of stopping and taking a look at myself and my life, I started working more and pushing myself harder.
“I SOMEHOW WASN’T ABLE TO DO SOMETHING IN A NORMAL WAY. I PRESSURED MYSELF IN ANYTHING TO GIVE MY ABSOLUTE 200%. EVEN WHEN I ACTUALLY DIDN’T HAVE THE ENERGY FOR IT.”
THE TURNING POINT
“FROM THE OUTSIDE I HAD EVERYTHING IN ORDER IN MY LIFE; A GOOD JOB, A NICE BOYFRIEND, ENOUGH MONEY TO DO WHAT I WANT… BUT FROM THE INSIDE, I FELT RESTLESS, DEPLETED AND NOT HAPPY.”
The turning point in my life was when I started to basically not be able to function in everyday life anymore the way I used to. I was hitting a wall in my personal life and my professional life. My ambition had brought me to achieve beautiful things, but it started to take its toll on my health. There seemed to be no other way for me any more than to look within. I saw that life had brought me to a point where my old ways of doing and being simply didn’t work anymore.
Around that time I had a conversation with an old colleague of mine, Annet, and she shared her own life story and how she had changed her life and her relationship with herself. She introduced me to the coach that helped her and so I called Eleni (yes, that’s me, founder of Guts & Tales and writer of this interview). With Eleni, I started a personal coaching trajectory to find out how to reignite the lost spark in me; both personally and professionally.
THE - COACHING - JOURNEY
“THE BENEFIT OF BEING A PERFECTIONIST IS THAT YOU GIVE YOUR 200% IN ANYTHING YOU DO. SO ALSO WITH MY PERSONAL COACHING TRAJECTORY, I WENT FULL FORCE AND DID EVERY EXERCISE WITH MY FULLEST ATTENTION AND TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. I REALLY WANTED TO FIND THE KEY TO MY OWN HAPPINESS.”
The most life-changing for me was working on my own limiting beliefs. Things really started to fall into place when I realized that I was the creator of my own thoughts and belief systems and thus was able to change them myself too. Besides my own thought patterns, I realized that I also had reoccurring feeling patterns that had become a part of me, and kept me in a negative spiral that wasn’t serving me. Breaking those was life-changing too. After a couple of weeks, I felt the energy coming back into my body and life, a feeling I hadn’t felt in years.
“I HAD BELIEFS THAT I HAD TO BE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING. CAUSE ONLY THEN I WOULD BE A SUCCESSFUL AND STRONG WOMAN.”
NEW SELF AND LIFE
One of the biggest benefits of spending time working on myself was the fact that I was now able to connect, understand and respond to my own needs instead of the demands of society, my environment, or my perfectionist self. When I am tired now, for example, I don’t go exercising “because I have to do so 5 days a week”. I listen to myself and take a rest day, even if it doesn’t fit in my perfectionist plan.
NEW CAREER
In the scope of my coaching trajectory, I very organically started to understand better who I was and what kind of profession would fit best with me. Somehow magically at the same time the company I was working for announced reorganization. It felt like this was exactly how it was supposed to be; life was guiding me to start a new life and I kind of didn’t even have to put any effort into that. It came naturally.
“I WAS SCARED OF THE UNKNOWN BUT I KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT THIS WAS THE RIGHT AND ONLY WAY.”
MAUNGA COACHING
I started studying to become a coach myself. With my company Maunga Coaching, I coach people that are challenged by their perfectionism. Not only is this something I have managed to successfully turn around in my own life but it has become a mission for me to help others do that too. I work with individuals and businesses as perfectionist employees are more prone to burning out. And I also would love to work with schools as perfectionism starts in childhood and I’d love to help with the prevention of it.
“I REALLY WANT FOR EVERYONE CHALLENGED BY PERFECTIONISM TO FEEL THE FREEDOM I EXPERIENCE NOW. EVERYONE DESERVES TO FEEL GOOD BEING WHO THEY ARE.”
FINANCIALS
Part of the reorganization offer of my previous employer was that they would support me financially to pay for my new studies. I received unemployment benefits from the government while studying and used my savings to pay for the setup of my new business.
5 INSIDER TIPS
Ask for help. People are very willing to help you. It’s in our DNA.
Practice vulnerability with people you trust. The more vulnerable you are, the deeper your connections go.
Dare to take a look at your inner world; your own emotions and fears. It will feel uncomfortable in the beginning but over time this will allow for greater self-acceptance and it’ll become easier to make choices in your life that are best for you.
Don’t solely focus on your end goal but look at the little steps in between. That is in fact where the satisfaction lies and where you enhance your self-trust.
Believe in yourself. This is the base from which you can build your confidence.
“I NOW MAKE DECISIONS IN MY LIFE THAT ARE RIGHT FOR ME. WITHOUT GUILT AND SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF. I AM STANDING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, FULLY BEHIND MYSELF. ”
LEARN MORE ABOUT WENDY
website • linkedin • instagramphotography by Nicole van der Aa
WORKING WITH WENDY
Wendy and I worked intensively together for about 4 months. I have seen her blossom and radically transform herself and her life and am truly happy to be able to share her story with you today. As she is exactly where she needs to be and shining like a bright star, I can wholeheartedly recommend Wendy as your go-to person if you (or any of your friends) struggle with perfectionism. Please do share this article if you find it interesting as you never know whose life you might change. Thank you!
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